Why Winter Weather Wins

Winter is good because it’s a change from summer. Winter is cold and summer is hot. At least that’s the way God planned it originally. It can snow in winter but it cannot snow in summer (yet), so winter is better for getting snow. Winter is also the only time of year in which you can have a blizzard without going to Dairy Queen. (If you do go to Dairy Queen, get me a large chocolate blizzard with health bar).

Winter inspires poetry and song and it kills poison ivy but I don’t think you should touch dead poison ivy as it is insidious and it’s resin can remain on the dead plants for at least 5 years. The active ingredient in poison ivy is urushiol and it is so potent that 1/4 ounce of urushiol is enough to cause a rash in every single person on the planet. This is true.

Winter is when the hemisphere on which you find yourself is tilted away from the sun. I suppose that means that you might then be further from the sun than you are in summer, but I’m not sure if could be accurately measured.

There is a war named after winter. It is called, unceremoniously, the Winter War. Pretty catchy name, huh? Anyway, it was a war between the Soviet Union and Finland. This sounds really funny to me because Finland is where trolls come from.

Winter is good because there are no wasps trying to sting you but it’s a terrible time of year for you if you have chionophobia. This is taking it to an extreme, I think. I can see not liking winter or even hating it, but I can’t see fearing it.

 Winter is not always the best time of year to hang clothes out to dry. Not so much for the cold temperatures (although that does come into play) but the wind that sometimes accompanies the cold. Even though clothes freezes on the line when it’s below 32 degrees, it will still dry. The process by which it dries is called sublimation. Look it up.

Back in August, the Farmer’s Almanac predicted a “bitterly cold” winter for this year. I think the Farmer’s Almanac was written by the same people who brought us the bible. Does it make sense to believe that someone can predict the weather months in advance when modern day technology can't? I’m not saying that today’s technology works better or is even more accurate than the Farmer’s Almanac. I’m just saying it’s stupid. A few years ago the forecast once said “100% chance of rain,” and it didn’t rain. This is funny for two reasons:

1)      It didn’t rain

2)      How can there be a 100% CHANCE of something happening? Doesn’t 100% mean something will definitely happen or not happen?

Winter is good time to wear lots of clothes. You can even wear strange things and no one will look at you funny (for the most part). You can wear all sorts of crazy hats or ear muffs, you can wrap a long piece of material around your neck (I think this is called “wearing a scarf) you can wear winter coat with a sweater underneath it with a shirt underneath that and a t-shirt under the shirt. You could even throw a raincoat over all of that. You can wear gloves that allow you to use a touch screen smart phone. And how about those gloves that don’t cover your fingers and socks that cover individual toes? Both of those are stupid, but no one will tell you so.

There are some funny things you’ll see in winter like dogs wearing sweaters, that’s always amusing

 

People falling down are always funny and there’s a better chance of that happening in the winter. Related to that is seeing a cat or dog trying to run on ice and only managing to slip & slide around like a road runner cartoon character. That's funny too.

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