God is Imported

Yesterday, I was asked how I managed to bring God into a conversation about a bizarre customer service rep story. Actually, it is very easy to bring God into the room because He's already there. Yes, God is everywhere all at the same time. It's a little like air; which is also everywhere (almost).

No conversation is ever overlooked by the Almighty. It doesn't matter if you're talking about sports, TV, social injustice or the fact that the Kardashion's TV show was cancelled after 7 years.

So, let's talk about Atheism. God is very interested in Atheism. He considers Atheists the loyal opposition. In fact, God has a special dark place in his heart for Atheists, but we shouldn't go there because, as you know, God is listening. Since we can't fathom the complexity of God's intellect, we can never know if we will displease him so why chance His displeasure.

God could just erase you from existence. It would be like you were never born. The cool part of this trick is that nobody would even know God had smitten you in this most grievous yet clever manner. To ensure that God doesn't obliterate people, religion was formed to make sure God always notices us and what we're doing on His behalf. People have attempted to accomplish this is different ways.

The Muslims want to be noticed but are very sensitive about the fact that their religion is the new kid on the block. Unfortunately for them, they don't have enough centuries between now and the time that their Jesus-like prophet guy lived on earth. This means their claims to religious superiority can almost be examined directly through the study of history. Muslims, therefore, can not help but get caught up in scientific theory and empirical data studies. Most Muslims would kill for an elemental table.

 
But the Jews are the opposite. They're the grandfathers of the modern monotheistic religions. They don't have a historical Jesus-character to worship but they have something much better. They have the God of the Old Testament. Any religion that can live through the time of the Wrathful God of the Old Testament deserves respect and God has always taken notice of everything Jews do. They are not called "God's People" for no reason. The Jews have so many laws and religious practices that even God can't keep them all straight in His mind. This is a very effective method of keeping God sidetracked while secular Jews eat pork and marry goyem. 

No discussion about God can be made without mentioning God's favorite people. No, I'm not talking about the Mormons. God does, in fact, want more Mormons but he wants them on other planets. No, what God REALLY likes is Christians. The more a Christian religion mentions Jesus, the more God likes that religion. The Christian God comes in three flavors: God the Father, God the Son, and Beer. God also likes new interpretations of his famous book, the Bible, and enjoys alternate endings and cleverly hidden Easter Eggs within the texts.

So I think I have explained why it is easy to talk about God no matter what else you started out to discuss.